i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
