I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
