fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
