did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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