Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.