Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(937): View more from Ohio

I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning

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(586): View more from Michigan

apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.

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(815): View more from Illinois

I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.

(732): View more from New Jersey

you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.

(732): View more from New Jersey

IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.

(214): View more from Texas

I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity

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(859): View more from Kentucky

Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.

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(309): View more from Illinois

I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.

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(301): View more from Maryland

Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.

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(204): View more from Manitoba

can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale

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