i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
