i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
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i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
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Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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