You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
