My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
