Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize