I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Pants are for mortals
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
