wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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