She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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