i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
