Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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