You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
