it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
