hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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