it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize