You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
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