SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
