so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
A bitchslap is in order.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
