I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
