i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
