You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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