Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize