I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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