Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
