I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
