just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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