Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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