Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
