my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
