Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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