At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
