when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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