I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
