We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
