Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We left the knife in your bed.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
