Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
