Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
