i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
