There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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