he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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