My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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