eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
whose parrot is this?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
