I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
