I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
