I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
