Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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