Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
