Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
