just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
