he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
