i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
