chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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