I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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