Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
