Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I want to fling myself into the sun
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
