i permit you to call me
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
