I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
