i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
