tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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