Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
it's like iHOP with fire
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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