Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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