JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
